February 2012
136 posts
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I did it. I fucking binged. It wasn’t exactly a binge, but it was considering the fact that I’d planned not to eat today. ten tortilla chips (I haven’t touched those in eons, ew, why I even thought about them, nevermind allowed myself to have them, I don’t know) which I purged all of (58 calories), and then, being the greedy cunt that I am, I went on and ate a bit of...
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Today’s intake:
a cup of coffee, without sweetener - <5 calories
another cup of coffee, without sweetener - <5 calories
total: <10 calories
I walked for an hour and a half today, and tonight I’ll probably do some lunges, sit-ups, and crunches.
Going to take a shower and then spend the rest of the night on here, exercising, and watching makeup/hair tutorials on YouTube,...
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hi here I am to moan about my waste of a life
I hate this feeling so much. I can’t cry and I’m not panicky/overwhelmed enough to hurt myself. I mean, I feel so overwhelmed, but not with anger. I just feel hopeless, doomed. I feel doomed. I have nothing to fucking live for and I’m so tired of it. I’m fat and ugly and not one person in this whole world is thankful for my...
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I binged today, and purged as much as I could in twenty minutes. I don’t think that it all came up. I also walked twice today, the time that I walked totaling out to an hour and thirty-five minutes. Tomorrow I’m not going to eat, I shouldn’t have eaten today. I shouldn’t even eat for the rest of the week. We’ll see what happens.
My sister was just harping on to me about how “fat and gigantic” she is. I tried to convince her otherwise, but she continued to deny it. It angers me a bit that she says she’s fat, because she has a fucking gap between her two thighs, a perfectly flat stomach, she’s tall, and she eats and drinks whatever she wants; chicken patties, cereal, soda, cookies, sandwiches, and...
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Today I’ve had hardly any appetite, it’s been nice. I went to the grocery store with my mom and sister, and I was tempted to eat but I simply said “No” to myself and that was that. I wish every day were like this.
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Today’s intake:
a cup of coffee, without sweetener - <5 calories
a cup of coffee, without sweetener - <5 calories
total: <10 calories.
Anonymous asked: I understand you have a disorder that is presently beyond your control, but do you ever ask yourself, is there really nothing more important than weight? Are fat cells more important than being the best person you can possibly be? More important than learning and exploring and understanding who you are and religion and helping others and living life? When did weight become the most important...
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Anonymous asked: What's your bmi?
I need to start using my journal again. Take note of intake, how much I weigh, an so on. I’ll keep posting my intake on here, because if I over-eat it embarrasses me more when people know how much I ate.
I’m not going to post my weight on here until I lose more weight, my weight is incredibly shameful and I want to cry at the thought of it.
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I wish I could cut the fat from my thighs. And my arms, and my face, and my calves, and my stomach, and everywhere else. It’s everywhere. There’s fucking fat all over me.
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There’s this boy who I’ve the same day two schedule as, and I can’t help but stare at him lately. Not because he’s astoundingly attractive— I mean, he’s not exactly ugly, but not beautiful, either (well, he actually looks quite lovely when he smiles, but anyway)— but he’s so damn skinny. His fingers are perfect, cheeks sunken into his face, and when...
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There’s a new layer of fat each time I look in the mirror. Chunks of fat all over my legs, hanging from my knees and bulging from my gigantic thighs. I can’t even begin to explain my stomach. I just want to be skinny. I lose weight but I look indifferent. I’m always going to be this graceless, fat, disgusting slob of a girl, never pretty, attractive, thin or happy. A razorblade,...
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Today’s intake:
1/2 of a pink lady apple - 36 calories
1/2 serving of pita bread with 1/2 cup of lettuce - 35 calories
total: 71 calories, minus 79 calories from a bit of exercise, equals -8 calories.
I’d said that I’d eat nothing but strawberries, lettuce, celery, and soup, or something along the lines of that, but I believe I’d forgotten tofu noodles which have 40...
Anonymous asked: you have a disease. A mental illness. An ILLNESS. none of this is your fault, it's not punishment for anything. All you need is to talk to an adult, a teacher or a counselor. You don't need to hate yourself, your body, your life. You don't have to be afraid of food. To be able to EAT and enjoy food without guilt. You're a human-- you deserve it. Get help.
